Longing
by NikkiB1973
Summary: This is a one-shot set in Breaking Dawn. Bella is dying and on the verge of giving birth, so she escapes to her happy place...but what is real and what is not? That's for the reader to decide...


**Longing **

Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to Stephanie Meyer.

Bella was exhausted beyond endurance; now physically very frail she vainly sought sleep. Her eyelids fluttered closed, the dark rings underscoring her eyes making her thin face look stark white. There was no colour in her cheeks, that had been drained from her long ago. All that remained of Bella Swan was a skeletal figure lying on a pristine white couch, her tiny fingers clutching at her overly extended abdomen. She knew deep in her bones she did not have long to live.

It was hard ignoring the worried stares of the Cullen's as they surrounded her. With her eyes closed she could block them out for a brief time. She felt Edward sit next to her and his cold hand fluttered over her skin. "Do you need anything my love?" He asked for the hundredth time.

Bella slowly opened her eyes, the lids felt like they were carrying weights and she had to use her limited energy to force them to open. Edward's anxious face swam into view and she let out a resigned sigh. "What I need you cannot give me. Please just let me sleep."

"Yes, Edward. Bella needs to conserve her strength," Rosalie's irritated voice made Edward turn and glare at his sibling.

"Please both of you just leave me alone. I need peace," Bella's voice was barely a whisper.

"Come, Edward, Rosalie. Let Bella rest. I will remain here to monitor her. Pestering her constantly on how she is feeling is not helping." Carlisle admonished gently.

"I am so sorry, Bella," Edward apologised again for the hundredth time. " I just wish this had never..."

"Edward, please I have heard all this before," Bella rested her head back on the sofa. For once the baby in her belly was still and she relished the brief relief from pain. "I need you and Rosalie to leave."

"But Bella," Edward protested again. "I can't."

"Carlisle," Bella begged the head of the family.

Carlisle heard the distress in her voice. He again gently chided Edward and told to him to go on a hunt. He assured him once again that Bella would not be left alone. Rosalie reluctantly agreed to retire to her room. She refused to be too far from Bella in case the child she carried became distressed.

"I will stay nearby," Edward whispered to Bella, his cold lips ghosted over hers briefly before he left the room.

Bella sighed with relief when she was left alone with just Carlisle. "It won't be long now will it?" She asked him weakly.

Carlisle gave her sad smile. "The child will be born by tonight." He admitted.

"And me?" Bella questioned him even though she knew the answer.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I promise that your daughter will be well cared for." He replied softly.

Bella nodded. "Thank you." She closed her eyes and drifted into darkness.

XXXXXX

"Happy anniversary honey," Bella's eyes flared open and she stared up into the dark eyes of Jacob Black. He was leaning above her, his lips inches from hers and before she could make an attempt to reply he kissed her passionately.

She was breathless when he drew back and she couldn't seem to form any words. He laughed at her reaction and caught hold of her hand, pulling her up into a sitting position. "Always the same every year." He handed her a card and velvet box.

"For me?" She questioned her voice trembling. She discreetly looked around the room. She was sitting up on a king size bed and the room was adorned with the usual bedroom furnishings, although the quality of the wooden wardrobe and bedside cabinet looked exceptional.

"Of course it's for you. Now open it." Jacob urged her, a smile playing about his lips.

Bella eagerly tore open the envelope and pulled out a beautifully home made card. Her eyes wandered to Jacob's and she smiled happily at him. "You made this? It's beautiful." Her fingers touched the intricate pattern that had been painted onto the stiff card. It was adorned with the wolf pack symbol; an exact replica that she could see tattooed onto his left bicep. Their names were entwined within the design and a flutter of pleasure made her skin tingle as she stared at her name,_ Bella Black. _

"Open it then, honey," Jacob took the envelope out of her hand and put his arm across her shoulders as she finally looked inside.

_For my Bella,_

_the most beautiful, loving, kindest woman I know. My best friend, lover and wife. Happy 1st Anniversary._

_Love your adoring husband,_

_Jake XXXXXXXX_

Bella's eyes watered as she read the message inside. It was simple but beautiful. "It's lovely. Thank you." She leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips. If this was a dream she didn't want to wake up.

"You're welcome," Jacob said with a grin. "Now open the box."

Bella had forgotten all about the little velvet box. She put the card on the bedside cabinet and with trembling fingers she opened it. A gasp of wonder escaped her as she stared at the small silver studs that were inside. On each one sparkled a small diamond.

"I know it's not much but I promise when I get the rest of the house renovated and the garage gets more customers, I'll buy you something more..." his words were cut off as Bella kissed him again. This time he was the one left breathless.

"These are perfect, Jake," she quickly put them in her ears "You know I don't like flashy jewellery."

"Yeah," he gave her a sweet smile and placed his hand on her swollen stomach. Her eyes followed his movement and that is when she got her second shock, she was pregnant.

XXXXXX

Bella couldn't stop looking at herself in the mirror. Jake had left to pick up Charlie and Billy. Her dad was apparently splashing out on an expensive meal before they all retreated to La Push for a special bonfire celebration. As Jacob was Alpha of the pack, it was custom to celebrate the anniversary of his union with his chosen mate. She studied her reflection, it had been so long since she had seen such a healthy glow on her skin. She pinched her cheeks and smiled when she saw the red blush creeping across her pale skin. Her hair was vibrant and silky, no doubt because of the hormones produced during her pregnancy. She felt alive.

After asking some probing questions she had deduced from Jake that she was eight months gone. They didn't know the sex of the baby but he seemed certain it was a boy. He made reference to her vision that she had experienced on the mountain top. It seemed their passionate kiss had been the pivotal point that had changed her destiny. He teased her about not letting go when he had to leave to fight and apparently she had tried to follow him down the mountain until he had made her see sense. The more she learned of how her story had unfolded from that point and diverged from the course of events she was familiar with was shocking. He had never been injured, the pack had successfully destroyed the newborns and Victoria had been killed by Seth. Jake never spoke of Edward once or any of the Cullens and she did not want to bring them up and spoil the happy atmosphere. Bella felt rested and happy. She had a future; she did not want to squander it.

XXXXXX

The dinner was a success. Her dad had booked a table at an expensive restaurant in Port Angeles. The food was delicious and the service impeccable. Bella watched in delight as her father, Billy and Jake joked around. She had never seen Charlie looking so relaxed and at peace. He seemed like a different person. Then again so was she. Jake sat close to her, constantly touching her in one way or another. Whether it was her hair, holding her hand or stroking the skin on the small of her back discreetly as they ate. She felt so loved and desired; it was a new feeling and she didn't want to give it up.

She felt tired on the journey back and her eyes began to close. She felt Jacob's warm hand grasp her own. "You rest honey. It's gonna be a long night when the bonfire celebrations start."

Bella gave him a wistful smile. "Did I ever tell you I love you?" She whispered as her eyelids fluttered closed.

XXXXXX

A stabbing pain made Bella cry out and her eyes flew open. She glanced around in despair as she realised she was back on the Cullen's white sofa. Her hands clutched her belly as the baby broke another one of her bones. Carlisle was by her side in an instant, he examined her thoroughly; all the while talking to her in a soothing tone. Her cries of pain lessened to whimpers and she fell back on the sofa, her energy spent.

"It's nearly time, Bella. Your body won't be able to tolerate much more," Carlisle told her, sympathy clear in his voice. "I wish there had been another way. Edward will be returning soon."

Bella clutched onto Carlisle's arm and she stared wildly at him. "I can't have him here, Carlisle. I can't." She begged him.

"But he's your husband. He should be here." He replied uncertainly.

"I am dying. I get to choose, only me. You deliver the baby, no one else and afterwards..." she let her voice trail off as tiredness overtook her. "Afterwards it no longer matters."

Bella's eyes closed again as her breathing became ragged. Welcome blackness took the pain away and she was whisked back to her happy place.

XXXXXX

The bonfire celebrations were in full swing. The pack were in a jubilant mood. Quil was in charge of the music and Bella watched as Leah and Sam did a crazy dance in the sand. There was no sign of Emily; it seemed her decision had impacted on everyone's fate. Embry and Seth had been drinking for most of the day after discovering a stash of Billy's illegal moonshine. It did not effect them as much as a normal human, but they still lurched around the beach, laughing like idiots as they played childish pranks on the others.

Paul and Jacob's sister Rachel spent some time with Jake and Bella as they all sat together companionably in front of the glowing fire. It had taken Bella by surprise to learn that Paul had imprinted on Rachel; but it seemed a good match. Rachel had toned down Paul's volatile nature and he had lost the sour look he used to wear as if the whole world was against him. She had never had a pleasant conversation with him before and she actually got to see the gentler side to him as he spoke about Rachel.

Billy took centre stage during the middle of the celebrations. Everyone gathered around in awe as they listened to him weave the familiar tales as if they were hearing them for the first time. Bella sat between Jake's legs, his strong arms wrapped around her as they got lost in the legends of the tribe.

Later as the fire burned down to the last few glowing embers, Jake and Bella led the last dance. He held her close as she leaned into his warm chest. Her eyes were lulled shut as they swayed from side to side. She felt his lips press into her hair as he whispered. "I love you."

Bella smiled as she heard the words. "And I love you too."

XXXXXX

Pain, all she could feel was indescribable pain as her eyes opened again. She was no longer lying on the Cullen's immaculate sofa but on an operating table. Carlisle's concerned face hovered above her as he monitored her carefully.

"It's time, Bella." He told her sadly.

Bella nodded, even that movement exhausted her. She closed her eyes again and wished herself back to her happy place as pain ripped through her abdomen.

XXXXXX

Bella was surrounded by warmth, she opened her eyes to find herself lying in Jacob's arms. She was holding a little bundle close to her chest and when she glanced down she saw the perfect face of her little newborn baby boy. She gently touched the soft rounded cheek of the sleeping infant, whose skin colour was the exact shade of his fathers. His long lashes fanned his cheeks and she smiled when he opened his mouth and yawned; his eyelids opening briefly to show her eyes as brown as her own.

"He's perfect," she whispered in awe.

Jacob gave her a happy grin. "Just like his mom. Love you honey."

"Love you more," she said back to him, both their eyes returning to their son.

XXXXXX

In another time and place Isabella Marie Cullen died as she gave birth to her daughter Resnesmee. But the real Bella Marie Black cradled her infant, safe in the arms of her husband, Jacob Black.

**FIN...**

_**A/N-thanks for reading!**_


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